Tees, hats and one flask. Several jokes. No performance fabrics.
One of the actual reasons people go outdoors, finally said out loud.
A support group for marshmallows, which is more emotional honesty than most camping shirts manage.
The trail was never the problem. Your knees filed a separate report.
A full excuse and the end of the conversation, in four words.
No joke on this one. A moon, some clouds, and a view that shut everybody up.
Cold water at altitude, which is the entire membership benefit.
Membership shirt for people who climbed higher than the plan said and have opinions about it now.
An embroidered hat that admits you went too far up and would do it again.
Sun off your face, and a public admission that you peaked in the geographic sense.
It is a mountain range, and we will not be taking questions.
We make a lot of jokes, but this one is just a genuinely nice night sky.
Undefeated since 1967, and every photograph of him is still out of focus.
A skeleton hiker riding inside a bear, filed under becoming one with nature.
A goat floating on a rubber duck ring, which is still outdoors if you think about it.
Just the logo, small, for days you would rather not explain a shirt to anybody.
The club where we only hike when our friends force us.
A certificate nobody issued, for hiking two hundred feet and calling it a summit.
Snacks first and summits later, which in practice tends to mean summits never.
A goat playing banjo, because every hike improves with one bad idea in it.
A dictionary entry for the friend who climbs things they shouldn't and snacks aggressively.
The only shirt we make with nothing written on it.
Hour six, no water left, and the mountain has started doing things.
The logo, the goat and the whole argument on one shirt.
The worst that happens is a bear kills you, so everything under that is fine.
You never had to outrun the bear, only the friend who invited you.
Real advice, right up until it explains that panicking only makes the last few minutes worse.
A four step checklist that gives up and turns into regret somewhere around step three.
